she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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