So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
