Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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