I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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