She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
