My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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