i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
