too bad you live with your parents still
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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