I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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