I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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