Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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