Sry I called you an 8
I need help removing her.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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