I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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