It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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