rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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