I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
