for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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