Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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