I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
