told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
