8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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