I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
