My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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