Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
