shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
