I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
