Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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