Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize