then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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