People with herpes should wear stickers.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
