Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
