You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
