Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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