dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
