i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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