My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
