I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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