I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
