I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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