I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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