Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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