carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
