I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
