I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
