why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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