i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
