Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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