I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
