it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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