Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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