herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
