Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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