How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm at about main and main street
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
