So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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