theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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