Having a random hookup so left but love u
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
