I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
