She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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