"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
