there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
