well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
