I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
