she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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