I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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