toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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