I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize