My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im holly from the hills drunk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
