And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize