Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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