I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
