you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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