i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize