I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
