Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
