we should wear snuggies to the strip club
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
