I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
