There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
