Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
