You're completely useless in the revolution.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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