I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
