Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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