I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize