I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's Friday. Sex?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
