In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
