as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
