She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
