Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
