i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
