I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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