Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
