Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
