I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
