i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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