If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
