So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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