Soap is not a condiment
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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