Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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