Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
