So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
