so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
