why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
