In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
