Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
