happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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